It happened almost a year ago. Those heartbreak scenes in mawkish old movies… I caught myself playing the role of the guy dumped by the woman he loves for someone else. Then came flash-back of scenes — how it all started, the online chats, the phonce calls, the letters, the sweet nothings — they all came crashing down. The guy kept asking, “How do I wake up to a new day?”
Fast forward to the present. Have he moved on? Maybe not yet, but almost.
This blog. It was written “because i wanted to keep track of my journey to the woman I [used to] love.” It was written almost halfway-through before the story ended. It’s a small project. A little surprise gift to mark the first year of our courtship. Later, it became another form of correspondence, supplementing chats and phone calls and facebook messages. Now it’s just a piece of history best read from the last page to the first. Reading it again is like a catharsis. I tried detaching myself from my own emotions as I browse one page after another and it felt good. I enjoyed it. It’s a beautiful love story indeed, only with a sad ending.
There was a point when I almost regret making this “tumblr” because it may bring back wasted good memories and provoke bitterness. But these are real emotions and there are lessons to learn.
I am not sure if the whole experience made a better man out of me. One thing is for sure, I made a good story out of it. Haha!
The first post was almost a prologue. It’s almost a preview of how it’s going to end and it gave me the creeps.
"noems, bette, vids, man (in no particular order) and awesome friends old and new, the people that i run to (virtually and by phone at least) for comfort, advice, scolding, venting out, complaining, and everything in between. Its an irony that they are a half world away but they provide a companionship and a spiritual encouragement that cannot be equaled. Christ is the common thread that connects us and they are the reason I come back to elbi/pinas and stay for strangely long periods of time :)"
"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to leave you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure; You really are strong, you really do have worth. And you learn, and you learn, with every goodbye you learn."